True Identity
By J. Keys
Miles gone
Far and wide
And many yet to travel
Yet length of stride
Against this tide
Set upon I do unravel
Much unseen
Though mirrors true
Reflections also lie
To say of you
From a kill to a view
Through glass and cross and sky
Starting now
From table to gate
A line of sight unmired
The nature of fate
As such things are never late
Get some rest, you indeed look tired
P.S
By J. Keys
My ways and words can often appear abstract. I assure you they are not. My thought process is coherent and I am very aware of what the hell it is I’m saying and feeling. I often wish to, and purposely, leave out context relating to any one thing I write for two reasons; 1. the lesson learned or the philosophy I wish to share is more important than the event that brought it on and 2. I almost always wish to protect anyone from being publicly singled out as a part of my views, rants or expressions (particularly if they were the progenitors of negative action). If you don’t understand; ask. If you think you understand and find yourself on the negative side of something I’ve published; ask. If you don’t then I have little sympathy for your reaction. So why is it so important that you not only read, re-read and ask? Because you might be wrong…
(see also: Why I Write, What I Say and Write and In Summary)
“Perhaps I am a fool, but at least I’m an honest fool.”
-J. Keys
I know, I know… to write something title of this nature and feel, as it were, “blessed”? Clarity is a peculiar thing; so often wanted but equally often uninvited… and then so welcomed when it arrives. We are strange creatures.
For anyone reading I would say either don’t worry and/or don’t take too much credit. This isn’t just about shitty people that are obvious scumbags. They are easy to dispatch and keep at bay. No, when I herald the phrase, “people are trash”, I speak of those very special ones that make fools of us… those that bring out our hopes, dreams and trust and then… well… obviously.
I didn’t come up with the phrase or the inherent truth that it exposes. It was another; one of my two best friends in this world. Ironically this is not the only truth he helped me discover as I found my true reason for believing in God because of him as well though this particular truth I write about? I didn’t quite get it until getting kicked in the teeth three times (almost in a row) by three people that pretty much got the best of me and took a big, steaming dump all over my heart and soul so that they could, more or less, save themselves… of, I don’t know, the trouble, the angst or maybe just the fact that fighting for anything that matters that much was just too damn hard for them.
But perhaps I digress slightly as my plight is my own whereas this larger mechanism is far more dangerous than anything insidious because it really isn’t about bad people doing bad things… it’s about good people doing bad things. This failure secedes negotiation, forethought and the atlas hold required to bear the weight of heavy things like love, anger and passion… this very failure is the reason why people become this way, act this way and come to honestly believe that what they are doing is “for the best” when it is really, simply “in their best interest”.
The struggle, survival and our power to choose is not the test of life itself; it is the gift. It is not the hope in each other or our ability in faith that fails; it is we who fail because we choose poorly… or worse we simply choose selfishly.
I imagine this is not over and though what I say is not untrue… it is also not definite. Nevertheless I’m certain this is not the last time we’ll meet but I do hope and hope that I will be blessed to know better the difference, glance and smile perhaps, and let you (all of you) be on your way…
That is all.
Noted
By J. Keys
If you’re not here to stick; go away
If you’d rather not or aren’t sure; don’t stay
I haven’t been here long
But long enough to cut short
Those that lack in why
Those that self in retort
Those that just arrived, just now
Those without law or court
No reason is no reason
As paper walls of words no fort
So mark the rhyme and the season
A winter’s summer discontent
Rather lethal, more than loaded
That which does not kill us so
Such lines best now …so noted
“Nothing hurts when you win, nothing.”
-J. Keys
Babble
By J. Keys
I’m not unhappy, but I know I’m not happy right now
I’m not fully idle, but I am not inspired either
I see opportunities in front of me, and I:
a. don’t pursue them
OR
b. rationalize some deep perception to not pursue them
I have stability in my position, but my confidence is not
Sometimes I think I have an idea of where to begin
Only to find out I have no idea what I’m doing
And then realize that nothing is different
It’s the same feeling
It’s the same speed
It’s the same scenarios (and outcomes)
It’s the same place
What’s the point in writing a song about
When someone else has already done so
And said it better than I ever could
My struggle to sing
Is like my struggle to hope
Or to believe that I can have that wonderful warmth
In my heart
Like I once did before
It’s all around me
It’s all a song written
Played
Broadcasted
I am resigned to listen
Only listen
I want freedom from this
From listening and feeling some way I can’t be
I want freedom from wanting to be somewhere else other than I am
I want freedom from hope for the better
I don’t want to be happy where I am
I want to be free from the places I’m not
I have God
I have faith
This is something I misunderstood
Struggled that maybe I did not have these things
Or that I didn’t understand them at all
But I do
It’s not the big picture I can’t see
It’s not life after death
It’s life now
“Always go with your first instinct; it’s not that you can never be wrong, you just can’t ever be wronged by it. ”
-J. Keys
The Beginning
By J. Keys
And I saw her sitting there
Waiting
Unassuming so…
Kind of there and somewhere else
Perhaps in my own mind
Waiting there
Or maybe there to go
Not in haste
But against the clock
I cast off my perch and way
To take a chance
Exposed
Without advantage
Or a clever thing to say
And I saw her sitting there
And I think for a moment
She looked right through me
And I almost
Just so almost
Stepped aside…
But couldn’t make it to be
So halfway between being caught
And resisting the temptation
She saw me standing there
And few of others
Have I ever wondered?
What she saw
Inside of me and of her stare
Was it here?
Was it there?
Was it somewhere else?
Was it almost?…
Or was it really just…
So in a moment we met and passed
As my life has come to this so much
Beginning dared as we parted
But never so in such a way
Never in a single day
And never, ever
As it started…
“Truthfully, you never really know until you turn that corner.”
-J. Keys
Where are you going?
By J. Keys
I thought I should tell you
That one day
I will know
One day I will know
And it will make me smile
It will make my tears cry
Instead of me
Because I will be happy
And all the other nonsense
All the other failures
Will be lost
And they
They alone
Will cry for themselves
Because they couldn’t see
They couldn’t see beyond their sense
And I won’t be sad
For them
For anything
And I won’t hate them either
I’ll just be glad
I’m not where they are
Anyhow
I just thought I should tell you
That one day
You might wish you knew too
You might wish you knew then
And if you do
It’s too late, so don’t ask…
So wherever you’re going
Wherever you are
I know
And I thought I should tell you
“Ever given up? Whatever your answer, try looking at things differently because if you simply do that you can stop asking yourself the question and start making the statement ‘never give up!’ ” -J. Keys
(’Ever given up’ is an anagram of ‘Never give up’)
Perfect Vision
By J. Keys
There are no more secrets. There is only that which we alone know and that which we pray no one else knows, now.
There are no more secrets. There is only information with a time limit attached before the world shall know… that which you alone pray, that which you alone know.
There are no more secrets. Simplicity gone and now called are we to shield ourselves and hide and lock up… all limited in time. Ultimately fantasy, make believe to make us believe that we are safe.
There are no more secrets. No more passwords to protect who we are, what we are, and why. No more walls to keep out the anonymous demons that prey on the peasants that cling to their perceived cover and shadow. And they, demons, shall never die and there shall never be a savior to repel them. Because in this place there is no good and there is no evil; there are only the wicked and the willing.
There are no more secrets. There are no places to hide. There is only a tale. The tale of all secrets and all secret men; the tale that those men are men soon terrified and their secrets… no more.
There are no more secrets. There is only that which we alone know, and that which we pray no one else knows, forever.
This Faith
By J. Keys
In the city of sin
I met an angel
I shook her hand
And she asked me why I believe
So I told her this…
Of everything I’ve learned
Of everything I know and have
Only the patience I’ve built
Within my tears of faith
Could bring me unwittingly
A thousand miles…
To her
Here
Now
On this night….
A blind rendezvous I could never design
But only pray for
And that is what make me believe
“When you try to hide your shadow, particularly that of your thoughts, you only make that shadow bigger.” -J. Keys
Why I Write
By J. Keys
A friend one day asked me why I write some of things I do. In some dire times I can write fairly archaic poetry or prose pieces. I wasn’t sure how to answer him until I had a conversation with a girl living in my dorm who also wrote. She said that when she got to write things out it all seemed so much smaller when it was on paper. I agreed and added that in doing such a thing gave some of the most abstract, perplexing emotions and reactions a certain kind of structure outside of floating in your mind randomly; that those words written down may not always have an end solution but they have a set beginning and at least a general direction.
“Wisdom is often a double-edged sword. It can serve just as easily as it can sever.” -J. Keys
No Thanks
By J. Keys
*Dedicated to the weak and selfish. There’s no room for you here…
You know this really bothers me
What you’ve done
Maybe it’s that old adage
…until it’s gone
But that’s just it
You never went away
You were always there
In my mind to stay
I guess you couldn’t take it
And for a brief moment I wonder
If I was simply fooled
Simply taken under
Then I take a look around
Watching as you fall
I shake my head and sigh a little
And realize you were never really there at all
You’re a cause that lost your way
You’ve set fire to your roots
I did love you very much
So take that and burn it too
I haven’t time for you
Nor any of your kind
The blinds are blue, the sun is rising
I’m leaving you behind
So thanks indeed for everything
If anything was true
But no thanks
For your guilt
Your pain
Or your pretty rationales
Those I’ll return to you…
Essence of the Strike
By J. Keys
The falling tree remarks the essence of combat; it contains the essence of the strike. It is not a slow moving, free falling, accidental occurrence… it is an unstoppable, momentous force planned and carried out in its own time. It has perfect purpose, place, and resolve. It will begin and end regardless of witness or concert. The strike does this; it descends though it does not move. And like the falling tree, reason fades into irrelevance and the fall becomes the only thing that matters.
Hack (My Extreme)
By J. Keys
I do a lot of things
Some of them well
Some quite well
But it’s not good enough
It’s not to any extreme
It can’t compete
Maybe I don’t make it compete
So middle of the road
Stretched beyond my means
I always say
From time to time
I’d make a great thief
A mad criminal
A dark mind
A shadow in the daylight
In the darkness
In front of you
You see a man
Around you
You hear a thunder
Oblivious you stare ahead
And I am everywhere but there
It’s not the need to
It’s not the convenience of the fact
It’s that I can
That I’m good at it
That I can overpower every construct
Every rule
Every convention
Everything that foundations this structure
This is my extreme
Hidden
Potential
A mind that finds every hole
Every crack
Every critical break point
The things you want to keep from everyone
To keep your power over others
But I enter
Like water finding ground
Unstoppable
Shapeless, formless
But solid to my own end
“A leader is one who must command a certain number of people and take them to a certain goal. A writer is like a commander of his existence. He not only feels, sees, hears, and acts, but he knows how to color those things with words. He not only can analyze and realize his emotions but he can tell others about it using a language they can digest one way or another. This is where writing can come to the fruition of changing the world. Because by delineating such things through writing others can have their own discoveries… and right there the world has become a new and different place forever.” -J. Keys / 1999
“If you ever need an answer to the question ‘Why?’ -90% of the time you can answer it like this: ‘Because the world is full of stupid people.’” -J. Keys
Encoded
By J. Keys
Why don’t you just say it?
Whatever happened to honesty?
Everybody looks at it
And they say, “Oh, hmmm, interesting.”
What they’re really thinking is
“That is f**ked up!”
So why don’t you just say it?
I’m not showing you this to make myself feel good
Or justified
Sane
Alive
Creative…
Because I already do
And I’m not trying to scare the hell out of you either
You’re scared already
I’m testing your resolve
I’m looking inside of you (not the other way around)
I’m taking your conviction
Slapping it in the face
I’m prosecuting your ability
To stand with me
Are you really that afraid?
Or do you see what I see
The code beyond the encryption
Those things between the lines
The dreams
The nightmares
The truth
So why don’t you just say it?
Behind you
By J. Keys
Caleb approached the long line to the infamous nightclub. The night was dense and rare with no other sound but the slight chatter of the crowd in the line, cars driving by on the nearby road, and the padded, muddled echo of bass coming from inside the building.
So Caleb stood in line waiting. Looking around him, over his shoulder, listening to the chatter as he stroked draw after draw from his Turkish, sandstone pipe. Each exhale of smoke created a dragon like cloud that would raise through the air with a life of its own while the excess smoke would descend from his mouth like from that of a freshly fired pistol. Every so often he would re-adjust his black fedora hat and his long black trench coat and peer among the people waiting.
He didn’t have to wait in line; he could have walked through the front door with nothing more than a glance -if that. But he always had this commoner ideal-type and way about his profile… he preferred to be a part of the nameless and faceless even though his was known by fiercest… as the fiercest.
Always alone he stood in line -exposed in the most tactical and dangerous sense. He didn’t care though. Guarded or not he wasn’t afraid -ever. And guarded or not… he was the ultimate question mark. Stories claim his guards weren’t for his protection at all… they were for anyone who might tempt him to retaliate. Then again stories also tell of a cat in a hat who doesn’t seem to like green eggs and ham. It makes one wonder who would eat green eggs anyway. It makes you wonder if testing a man like Caleb was worth proving any such curiosity that so often kills the cat.
So slowly making step by step closer to the door Caleb peered down the side road running parallel along the line to get in. Beyond the opening at the end of the side street cars zoomed by one after the other in a hurry to get anywhere. He could smell the diesel fumes of garbage trucks and flatbeds in the air… it reminded him of his days in Europe from when he was young; a truly contaminating but unmistakable, poignant odor calling out once placid memories.
Everything else though, the buildings near him, seemed so still. As if they had no life or they were petrified in their blackness… but he knew there were lookers within them, life somewhere beyond that black, dark crust. He always knew someone was watching…. and just the same it never mattered.
Caleb observed the people before him. Wild hair-do’s, piercings from head to toe, tattoos in every place seeable…. and thankfully un-seeable. Conversations on cell phones that were made to look far more important than they probably, actually were. Pseudo-intellectuals rolling their eyes at their party’s comments while they flare back their multi-colored hair in laughter. His associates always asked him why he dabbled in such time-consuming and, what they called, “pedestrian” social experiments. But he never replied because he knew they’d never get it. He just raised his pipe to his mouth and raised his eyebrows in simple but un-uttered reply… and of course he smiled too.
As the line became shorter Caleb looked to the sky and squinted. He breathed deep and heavy through his nose almost as if to sense something –like a rattlesnake might with its tongue. In any case he just raised his eyebrows as before and smiled. Moments later a slight un-syncopated tapping noise began to rise like the clapping of a crowd before an orchestra. The ground began to come alive with small splashes of life and rain more and more immediately began to fall from the sky… and Caleb smiled again.
The line broke free like a panicked heard of cows running to seek cover from the falling sky. Worthless and fabricated screams rang out as they sought to cover their manufactured avatars from the element of life striking them down -perhaps righteously. But Caleb just stood still, solid in the falling rain with his pipe… that crooked grin still on his face.
As the crowd ran for cover, leaving their long waited place in line, he walked to the entrance of the club with a remarkably present sense of satisfaction on his face… puffing away, his dragon’s claw carved from stone.
Upon his final step to the gate the bouncer at the door raised his hand in common-place to stop Caleb not knowing who he was immediately. But as Caleb raised his head, his fedora hat revealing his face, the guard’s eyes soon became open and flat approaching almost fear. Caleb just clasped the bouncer’s hand with both of his own and said… “Looks like rain my friend… try and stay dry…” Caleb patted the sir on his shoulder, slightly nodded and walked on, careless, carefree, patient in the crowd, always a member to the frequent storm, but still known well on the inside, places dry and warm…
A personal, journal entry first written on 10-17-2007 -Ed
Perhaps a terrible place to begin is as good as any; maybe even the best. As low as I feel I get the faintest sense that everything indeed feels just like it should. I don’t know if that makes me a martyr, pathetic or just in the right place at the right time despite the positive vs. negative nature of how things have unfolded.
There is an essence of relief, somewhat. Getting things out and out in the open. Perhaps the first step to having everything you want and need begins when there’s nothing hidden left… nowhere else to hide.
I knew it would end the way that it did… but I didn’t believe that it would. Maybe there’s a lesson to be learned there. That what we know is really just a supposition based on a probably outcome and that what we believe is our only way, our only chance to affect that probability. Since it appears that our ability to know is finitie but our ability to hope, to believe is infinite.
Sincerely,
J. Keys
The Hero
By J. Keys
She couldn’t see
What I wanted to say
The words never left my mouth
Though her lips touched mine
The song still haunts me
It fell with me that night
As I fell asleep
The pain of her not being there
But the joy of knowing
That above all else
I had in a moment or more
…known her
Engraved Silence
By J. Keys
He moves like the dark, you know. Like that way in which the daylight is fleeting and escapes almost without us even realizing it. While we are too busy, he moves. He has this meticulous and almost invisible nature about his presence. And he never hurries, he just seems to glide with surety like a breeze that moves over the water in a lake –all you see is the momentary ripple before its force brushes over your face as you wonder where it came from as much as where it went. He walks without the fear that we feel and with a terrifying destiny in his step. Being in his path isn’t the problem, being at the end of that path is…well, like the dark.
Forced
By J. Keys
What a slanted day I faced
Bright then dark
Warm then cold
And this thing
This shooting rod
Beneath my atlas hold
Worse than the weight
Like a test or a crucifix
I felt it
But I kept it held
Beneath my atlas hold
So through the day
The sky
And the rain
I wondered and remembered
Of what I really wanted
Of what I maybe lost
Back there… somewhere
And I miss that place
Those places
Where I could hear nothing
Where I could hear everything
The cold sentry at the back gate
The warm empty open at the shore
Yes they were different
But they were both places I could go
Places I could be
Places that I was
Where there was nothing
Where there was everything
I think today though
Far from those cliffs
Where God’s whispers flow
For the first time
I didn’t just ask for something
I discovered what I need
Idle under the weight
Forced by the pain
Within a slanted day
For the first time
“You know you can spend a lot of your life trying to avoid the storm and it won’t do you one bit of good. The storm will wait or it will find you… so just go. Wherever it is, whatever the time… just go. Because you’ll never be that smart or that quick and the storm only wins when you hide away from it.” - J. Keys
Collision (Keys’s Theory of Systems)
By J. Keys
A system is compromised by its very nature in and of itself. It has ways, means, methods and intervals. It has rules and safeguards that can be turned off or simply broken; therefore in all of the aforementioned it is predictable. It has a construct, a beginning and an end; therefore as it was assembled it can be disassembled in as much as it can be bypassed, suspended, modified or simply preceded. A system is an eventual failure because of its own systemic nature where no measure of supposed control can prevent any eventual failure.
Force of Balance
By J. Keys
It’s neither good nor bad
Think of it like a rattlesnake
Danger
Perceived danger
What really is the difference?
It’s not blamed for its actions
It does what is necessary
Out of necessity
Not hate
Or anger
You reach for me, swing
Danger
Perceived danger
What really is the difference?
Why should I afford you anymore
Than the rattlesnake?
Not out of anger
Not out of hate
But out of necessity
As always
Action to HEED action
And isn’t sweet?
When you think about it?
Isn’t it amazing?
The outcome I mean
The rattle snake is feared
It is respected
Beyond that though
Such a powerful force he is
Chooses to sit
To co-exist
To not be bothered
To not prey flagrantly
But to simply live
As a force of balance
The “Not Welcome Here” Speech
By J. Keys
It is important to note that this was written prior to this particular publishing date and its context is not revealed. It also quite critical, outside of any context, that all readers of my material have read and understood both “What I say and Write” as well as “In Summary“. -Ed
I’d like to take a moment to make a special announcement. But before you go further; those that know me also know how and to whom this applies. Those on the exempt list know who they are, know who I am and understand me. I am not crazy or confused; I am embolden with resolve.
For those of you that know nothing about me, well, consider this not applicable and hang on if you can because this where some of the sharp and not so pretty parts of me are revealed…
I shall begin: There are individuals, though not cohesive, that have formed somewhat of a cluster at this juncture in my life. None them are special and most probably don’t even know who they are. I will address them all now.
Some of these individuals are near and some are far away. Some float out in the ether while others simply just don’t do what they say. But others do something far worse, far more imposing; they interfere as agents in my personal affairs with no other goal than to control and influence.
Your own personal and selfish interests, along with a basic lack of courtesy, have now become a personal liability to me. So that’s why this man has come to town and he’s done with responding in silence: Get out, stop talking, don’t get in my way again and don’t come knocking for anything -not on this door, not ever. I don’t care and I’m not your friend and if you take just one more step you’ll wish you never even knew my name.
Consider this a warning shot across the bow. You have no place at my table, in my canon or much less in my personal relationships unless you’re included. I’m tired and I’m finished being crossed by you and all of your kind. I have no use for obstacles or pharisees nor those whose hypocrisy is only exceeded by their penchant for speaking and acting out of turn. You have taken from me kindness and sympathy that I would now take back if I could; consider the kitchen closed.
If you want the world to look, act and feel how you think it should; then go live in another world. If you want to protect the institution of your own misery by ruling those around you and providing them with poisonous maintenance instead of honesty and truthful words then go back to high school because you’re obviously not done yet. Count your mistakes as your own, don’t suffer yourself upon those who would not only help you but forgive you too. Rule your own life and be but a humble subject to those that need you in theirs. Most importantly recuse yourself from mine and those interactions that include the same… or suffer me.
So mark my words and mark them well; bad things, bad people and a lot of scars –I’ve survived them all… I’ll survive you. The alternative is that you’ll pitch a battle you won’t win. Your deeds and methods are nothing special. They are nothing short of textbook and they reside on a list under the title “All Things Wicked”. My will, including those that support it, is simply beyond their power.
I know more than you think I do. Do not cross me again and don’t come back. This my final address and my line in the sand. That is all.
And Then You Win
By J. Keys
It’s as good a place to start as any. Running, uphill, at wits end… it’s all one nexus/breakpoint. You can hear about it, you can read about it, but you’ll never get it until it almost breaks you and you look over the edge and you realize the difference.
There’s a point, two points really, to every endeavor and everything you do. Only they’re the same thing. One is where you just can’t take it anymore. The other is where you just keep going despite everything. The irony here is that these two things, these two points occur at the exact same moment.
The difference, the only one, is that some choose the former and some choose the latter. And it’s got nothing to do with winning. Winning is a matter of time and place every time but you’ll never even make it that far if in the one moment you just think you can’t take it, you stop.
Because the hard drive will always take you farther, longer, and higher whether you get to the finish line first or not. And then you learn… you’re up some, you’re down some, you break even… and then you really win.
A Reason
By J. Keys
He bowed his head as he walked away, a chilling sense sheering through his veins and his soul. It was like a violin bow scraping across a metal body crying out for release. And like descending angels from heaven he could hear the song that pervaded this scene, littered, unspoken but written lyrically in some other place and time. Piano keys colored up and down emotions up and down as he looked at her over his shoulder… undecided to turn around. His breath entered in and out, unsure and checked by his conscience… confronted by his heart unto a complete civil war… inside. He refused to be defeated.
The keys played across their spectrum and that terrible, wonderful harmony made him want to draw his sword against the shadows and destroy them one by one. If he could only pierce them but his anger was not enough, his darkness not enough. His true colors were not so simple though he pretended to prefer them that way.
Scars
By J. Keys
Someone once asked me “Where did you get that scar?” as they pointed to my hand. I had been rubbing it idly and somewhat mindlessly… it was mildly bothering me as I recall. And I looked at my hand after they asked and tried to remember… and I couldn’t. So I replied, “Who knows… ” and I paused in thought, as I looked out the window with my chin held up by the palm of my hand, of such things and how they parallel our view both forward and backward, “…you take your hits, you bleed, and hopefully in time… you heal… perhaps forgetting is a part of that even if it still hurts sometimes… for that one reason or for no other reason than to know that you’re still here despite the damage you do or the damage done to you.”
A Gentle Breeze
By J. Keys
He had this way about him when he walked among the crowd. He was never invisible but he might as well have been. Have you ever looked out onto the ocean on a calm, slightly overcast day and a gentle breeze glides over the air? It brushes the surface of the water and makes that rippled cascading shimmer… and just as soon as you notice it; gone. That was his style, his way. That feeling you get when you think you’re being watched as you look over your shoulder and then laugh at yourself, passing it off as paranoia… but it’s really him, his eyes gliding over you as you walk, as you run, as you hide… like a gentle breeze over the water… and just as soon as you notice; gone.
Alaska
By J. Keys
There are a few experiences that I believe every person should have in their lifetime. Visiting the cold, piercing place called Alaska is one of them.
I lived in Fairbanks, near smack dab in the middle of the whole state. It was so cold there during the winters. Sometimes it seemed that everything went into suspended animation. The cold froze all but life itself. Even sound became still.
It is the only place I have ever found that produces pure silence. It was even beyond the solidarity of sleep. If it weren’t for the cold freezing your nose hairs and watering your eyes one could easily mistake they had fallen into a dream.
It was so quiet it makes me cry to remember it, for you can’t ever truly remember…the feeling. It was of an essence. You became a part of the life as a continuum. You became a particle of air because in that cold, in that silence, you became equal to every other living and non-living thing there as well.
I could hear my own thoughts. I could hear clearly my heart and emotion’s convictions and speeches. It was like prayer without meditation. Sometimes it was like sitting across from God in a coffee shop, arms folded, coffee cup in one hand, slightly hunched over saying “So, how’s it goin?” I think God visits Alaska often. As I suppose heaven is a busy place, wonderful nonetheless, but there are even some things you just can’t compare to that stillness, that silence, and that equality of existence with everything in the world, perhaps the universe.
It wasn’t such a silence as one without bearing. You could hear… but miles and miles away did those sounds originate. You could pinpoint their birth with stunning accuracy and write pages of their detail contrasted upon the stark white of the silent canvas on which they painted themselves.
And the cold. Only the cold kept you there on earth, in reality. For too much of something is never a good thing. It would bite at my face and push me to retreat back in. It always won.
I would hang my coat up in the closet and sigh. It was like a cliffhanger movie each time, always wondering one more thing. But it was always there and I always went back.
From this and some other things I know that peace is real, inner peace is real, and God is real too. I also know that in a place answers can exist provided you breathe, listen, and never forget that you are the warmest thing in the coldest place, no matter where that is, on purpose.
The Final Chapter
By J. Keys
Just two small numbers
Half their double in the wise
From a distance watched and waited
A memory dark; both hope and breath still baited
You see, we didn’t care
Less our exit those left behind
But you the core of terrible things
Cannot stop what righteous vindication brings
Fast the king of nothing
A crown that would not stay
To try and fail is honest and true
To fall upon the wing is absolutely you
Shortly from the books
You’ll be written far away
And though this day a welcomed mark
Continue elsewhere but do so in the dark
For as bulls do surround and prayers indeed cry out
So shall we in scope continue
And like stained blood inside the groove and watchful aim
Forgive your enemy but
never…
never…
never… forget his name.
“The knowledge you lack can often be a precursor to the courage you need to move forward.” - J. Keys
Lec,
Attached is a photograph from the night we all went to Agatha’s for the dinner theater; this version is rendered with some specific lighting and brush stroke filters. The original was almost unusable due to the shutter speed I used at the time and was filled with tons of “image noise” and blur making it also pretty much unprintable and un-presentable. Even with digital photography nothing is perfect.
But instead of throwing it away or trying to fix an unfixable thing, I made it into something else. By color saturating the canvas and blurring the lines the viewer’s attention can be brought back to the original serenity that was intended to be captured in the first place. Many of my best creative works have come about in this manner –a realization I continue to find quite inspiring when something broken and commonly to be discarded can become something else entirely.
Enjoy the picture.
V/R
J. Keys
Caleb’s Journey : Between The Lines
By J. Keys
Well sadly enough it appears that she’s not a fan of jalepenos. You know what? I’m not in the mood for A LOT of things A LOT of the damn time… and you know what? I find that I don’t get a choice in that matter pretty much ALL of the time… and you know what I do? I deal with it like a bullet proof vest deals with it.
I take the hit, I do my job, I keep my bearer alive… cause you know what? That guy, that bastard, that son of a bitch? He ain’t shootin at my vest… he’s shootin at me. But my vest… my skin… it does what it has to do… it does its job. I don’t take it personally. I dodge the ones I can, I face the music when I have to and, hell yeah, I shoot back so you better duck or you better have a vest too… either way you’re gonna feel it, hear it and you’re gonna close your eyes.
All I did was call to question. I called and you ducked. You just ducked until you could find a way, I don’t know, to fool me or something. Because there was just this degree of unbelievability to what you said… cause all you did was try to prove you weren’t wrong or that it all did make sense… and in the end it didn’t make sesne. You even said so because it wasn’t all there to see -the reason it didn’t add up to me. So why didn’t you just say that?
If I ask you “why not?” and all it is to you is some overt and calous attack then what is it actually that inspires you? This stuff, this thing, my eyes, my edge… it didn’t hatch from some egg or fall from a tree; it is what it is because it has had to survive, fight, object, question, wonder… and believe in something far greater than itself. What makes you, your words or that requirement any different?
Sincerely,
Caleb
“Most times all we need to slip the surly bonds of earth is simply to imagine… and believe.” - J. Keys
“Secrecy only provides the illusion of safety. How long before such a thing is no longer secret? Secrecy is overrated and overestimated. Control is the key. Control provides everything. Control is not only a matter of having information but knowing where it is, when it is, why it is and most critically what direction it’s going in.” - J. Keys
Tsunami
J. Keys
Cover after cover
What does one say now?
I did the song dance
Day in and long day out
The truth of the matter
Is the selling of my soul
Cause I don’t wanna be here
But don’t know where to go
If a gun would do the job
I’d shoot you ten times
Even more though I wish
You’d get pierced by these rhymes
Cause my thoughts come and haunt me
From the silence that you give
And all I want is simple light
In the darkness that I live
It isn’t all that hard
I am what all you see
What you see is what you get
Still you turn away from me
A buyers market rich
A bull against a bear
You just take for granted
All the people that you scare
Well fear is no excuse
And never rules for long
It only fuels the fire
Making heroes only strong
Your time is slowing down
Mine will just begin
A flash about the alter
A reversal from within
It was then you should have known
It wouldn’t stay this way
Such a thing for such a fool
Not a hunter, now the prey
Like a rumble from beneath
Like a titan from the sea
Invisible off shore
But a tower soon to be
You’ve been warned…
“It’s always good philosophy to ‘go to what you know’ but don’t become a creature of habit from such a thing. A habit isn’t useful knowledge -it’s an addiction masking as a harmless pattern that in time will betray you. Worse don’t become a creature of prediction or others will betray you before your habits will.” - J. Keys
Whisper - End Title
By J. Keys
(written to “Come Clean (Chris Cox Remix)” - Hilary Duff)
*music starting at -7:23 or +2:11*
[[ She ran toward the car in the pouring rain, frantically and desperately trying to reach him before he left for what would be forever. The rain fell down like a hammer pounding on a nail or like an angry man breaking down a door... unrelenting. It seemed almost to have wanting in slowing her down. Tears streamed from her eyes and melded with the torrential drops of life that beat away at the earth as much as it did her efforts. The break lights of his car illuminated and the engine came to life with a resounding roar followed by a tiger-revving and searing sound. She began to slow her run in defeat as her eyes became wider and sad. The vehicle burned its tires against the wet pavement boiling the water beneath as it launched like rocket into space, whining and fading into the darkness and rain-filled haze of the night-cast street. She stood in pause like a rented movie, left on hold for something else to take its place, crying and without belief... ]]
*Caleb’s narrative begins, but no switch to the car cabin is made by the camera, just panning between her and the exterior of it driving away and passing under street lights and turns*
*Switch to Car @ -6:09 / +3:25*
Caleb: You know Albert Einstein once said that the world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of those who don’t do anything about it…
*Switch to her*
Caleb: In that vein another great mind, Bruce Lee, once said that there is no weapon more deadly than the will…
*Switch to car*
Caleb: I have to say that I agree with them both, polar opposites of destiny that nonetheless underscore what I do and why I must…
*Switch to her*
Caleb: But I believe that in my quests and in my life, no matter what I want or what forces I must contend with to make those things right… I am still a man, a human being… and that these elements added with one final truth bring my purpose full circle…
*Switch to car*
Caleb: That good certainly begets good as much as evil can equally destroy evil… And I am both we are all both… But that without something to convict us
*Switch to her, close-up of her face, on her knees, and then a refocus behind her*
[[ Caleb appears behind her in the rain from the shadows between the awnings of a door to a building on the sidewalk ]]
Caleb: There is no such purpose…
[[ Her eyes widened with her back turned to him, not hoping but knowing that, miraculously, he was there. She turned around, rushed toward him and instantly thrust her arms around him, clutching him toward her with all her might. He gently embraced her, merging his cheek and lips against her rain-soaked hair and in slow-motion cinema his eyes closed for her like they would not for the rest of the world. And as they closed an eyelash brushed her skin just slightly and like the hand of God ran through her blood and heart and she said simply while clinching his body between her fingers... ]]
*camera pans out, rain still falling, empty streets*
Her: Thank you…
*echo at -3:13 / +6:22 “rain falls down…” continues into fade out*
Within the circle
By J. Keys
Inside these lines
Is some of what you know
It tells a story near and far
Through the day that we must go
From friends and family all around
And nights without much sleep
Sometimes we fall to pieces
But rambling on we still keep
So shall we leave no man behind
And better days be our prayer
Sooner or later tell the world we might
A reason found no longer rare
For inside these lines is redemption found
And perhaps a rescue of the heart
Get busy living or get busy dying
Let not be our finish but our start
Someday
By J. Keys
(Written to “Someday” performed by Nickelback)
Left with not much more than the metalically textured taste of blood in his mouth he licked his lips and thought… “Could be worse, I suppose…” The car idled softly in the background like a prize steed awaiting his master; a nighthawk black pearl masterpiece of precision with a rooftop open to the air and God above. He stood there as she walked away, his charcoal-black trench coat blowing past his tall-figured silhouetted mass, blood-like crimson lining shining its way from behind the matte colored canvas, whisking in the wind like stained swords from ancient battles, his hands shoved deep within his pockets, eyes squinted; forced by the cold blowing wind –the cold nature of all things true and all things free. He waited, standing there occasionally looking up at the moon above the seascape horizon as a white-faded shimmer danced upon the water with no one shape, name or reason but to reflect the far and away beautiful but forever untouchable two faced sky.
He watched as she didn’t turn around… but he wasn’t waiting for that, he was just making sure she would never forget. He dared her without a word. He just stood there with the right hand of defiance invisibly on his shoulder. He then removed his hands from his pockets and opened the door to his chariot awaiting and got in replying with a sigh to most of it and a reluctant nod to the rest. And just before he released the clutch and dropped into first gear he took a deep breath in and out, peered to the corner of his eye and whispered to the world and fate, “Someday…”
*car whirls off, fade, end scene*
“The race is not to the swift nor the battle to the strong, nor bread to the wise. Riches are not the right to men of understanding nor favor to men of skill; because it is without fail or yield that time and chance happen to them all.” - J. Keys
So Far Away
By J. Keys
You know you stick to me
Like elastic
Like a boomerang
And then there are days like velcro
Interlocked
But free by its own nature
That way of coming together
That force taken to pull it apart
That need to be rejoined
Hook and loop
Hand in hand
It’s so far away
And oh it’s what we forget
Every step forward we take
That relativity
What we have now vs. what we didn’t…
When we were cold
When we were alone
This way
That way
On course…
So far off course…
And how did we come to this?
Here
Now
Together
Were you on the divine line?
Was I off the beaten path? Lost?
If so then, how now?
Or was it a collision
Meant to be
And then I found you
And then somehow you found me
Through that shield on by my side
The steel in my words
The white in my knuckles
I dared you…
And you dared…
And now that we’re here
So far away
It is amazing to see
What I am
What I have
What we’ve become
And oh…
Oh how you stick to me
